It was about 5 years after the passing of my father-in law (Frank Brummet), managing his funeral and dealing with his estate when we finally felt strong enough, emotionally, to begin the long process of going through his lifetime collection of poetry, short stories and memoirs. You see, he gave us the rights to his work in hopes that one day we would publish it. Dad had impacted a lot of people in his retired years, as a member of several writing groups that met online and in person, as a member of nonprofit organizations and seniors groups and a senior’s choir… and through Toastmasters as well. It was his desire to leave something behind for those that remembered him and his live readings of his work at open mic and Toastmaster events.
So there I was digging through boxes, binders, a few self-printed booklets and very old computer files in order to find every single piece that Dad wrote. Completing the first draft manuscript was time consuming; aching hands went along with an aching heart on an emotional journey. It was repetitive, too – as there were many versions with many edits, and I didn’t want to miss one word, one nuance.
Upon completion of the Poetic Wanderings book, I then started on the next book, Down The Road, which shares memoirs of 3 people in Dave’s family – his grandmother, father and uncle.
I can’t possibly tell you in mere words the impact this project has had on me. Learning the story of Dave’s grandmother who was put into service when she was just 12-years-old – a common practice among the lower classes at the time. She witnessed the Great War, murders, suicides and the Depression. Her early experiences of rural village life and her happiness there, her struggles with her mother who wasn’t very nurturing, followed by her sole journey across the ocean to become an immigrant in a strange country. She travelled from Romania to Canada by wagon, train, boat and then train again – to marry a man she had never met. This was Dave’s grandfather, who was twice widowed with several children when she met him.
Dave’s grandmother tells her amazing story from the view of an older widowed woman, looking back on her life feeling depressed and saddened by all she had experienced. Then Dad tells his story starting at birth in a neighbor’s kitchen in a tiny village in Alberta (Canada) to moving to the Okanagan Valley in BC (Canada) where Dad enjoyed the simple life of being a boy.
My husband, Dave, grew up in the same area as Dad; this is also where I met Dave 3 decades ago, in fact Dave’s mother once lived in the same apartment building I was in when Dave and I met. How amazing is that? As you can imagine, I was deeply impacted by Dad’s historic tales of familiar places.
I felt as if I really came to understand Dad in a way I never had before. Caregiving was sometimes trying with his often grumpiness, his complaining about things that happened decades ago, and a lifetime of habitual TV watching… There were times his desire to be argumentative was obvious. But there was this other side to him – he loved photography, he studied writing and attended groups relating to these activities. He had compassion for those going through tough times and innocent animals too.
At the funeral, we had new insight about him through other people’s stories re: his charm, his tenor voice and his humour; sides of him we rarely saw or didn’t see at all. His writing showed this and so much more. It showed what made him what he was. It showed a deeper side to him. It opened a past era up to me in a way that I could not have experienced in another way. I think it helped me understand my husband too in a deeper way. It was a powerfully emotional project, I had to take breaks, pause to digest or recharge.
This affected me on another level too. I lamented once again the loss of my mother’s promise. She did promise that she would leave her writings for us after her passing. I was so angry when I saw that she had cut it into pieces to use the other blank side as notepaper. I found just a few sections, notes scribbled on the other side about her farm chores. What a loss!!! I know she was embarrassed about her choices, shamed by the damage done to her kids, but she also knew we loved her and needed to understand about our past – as we were not allowed to discuss it. I know only brief glances into the family history and I lament that loss.
I was asked recently if I had written within the memoir genre and I suppose I have – through poetry, published in the book Towards Understanding. It tells my story from childhood through to mid-twenties. I started a little project after mom’s funeral that I titled Cigarettes and Mold, based on the aroma of her belongings. It was too gut wrenching to continue, but was helpful at the time to purge. Perhaps one day I’ll look at it again or maybe it is time to let that go… either way what I did write was healing for me.
During a conversation with a friend of mine facing end of life, I encouraged him to also write his memoir, sharing about his hard life, his parents and more. He started the project so that his daughter would have more clarification but then he said it got too dark and he found it difficult to continue. I felt that was terribly sad, and yet I totally understood having gone through a similar experience. This gives me some partial understanding as to why my mother failed to produce one as well. Yet after his, and others, death – I find myself encouraged to reconsider my own memoir project.
So please, tell your story – record your memories or share stories your parents told you. Perhaps you can help the elderly record their life story. Start by searching “questions for writing a memoir” and you’ll find numerous resources offering questions that can act like a prompt, helping you begin the writing process.
Publishing the memoir is a wonderful chance to reach more readers, but you don’t have to publish it – simply make it available to the family members. Understanding who we are and where we came from can have a profound impact on others.
Lillian and her husband Dave are the team behind Brummet Media Group, high-fiving cheerfully as they pass each other on the way from checking off one item or other from their long to-do list. Their business includes the Angle Hill Studio (drum teaching /repair services), The Brummet Media Channel (on Youtube), numerous award-winning books (on Amazon) and 2 very popular blogs.
Visit the Brummet’s @: https://linktr.ee/LillianBrummet or drop by
Amazon to find their books, including their memoir Down The Road (due for publication in November 2024)https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0845RLK1X
To enroll in a course James created that will take you through each step of writing your own memoir, check out the Get Started Writing a Book course in his STORE.